Unsolicited Pitch for Indiana Jones 5
We open in the jungles of Vietnam with a
title card proclaiming the date as the late 1970s or early 1980s, both creating
a Spielberg causal loop and setting the film firmly amidst the “In Search Of…”
era of interest in mysterious phenomena.
Two beefy heroic-looking guys are led by a small, unassuming Asian woman through various pit traps, unexploded landmines, and other dangers in a sequence reminiscent of the opening of Raiders of the Lost Ark. One of the beefy guys is Harrison Ford look-alike Anthony Ingruber, the guy a lot of people wanted to play young Han Solo; at one point he reacts in fear to a snake and mercilessly kills it. The two guys speak to the woman solely in Vietnamese this whole time.
Finally, they arrive at their quest’s end deep in a lost temple. Instead of a grand treasure, however, there’s only the body of an Army photographer, crumpled in a corner. The two dudes begin complaining at the woman about the lack of treasure while she bends reverently over the body. She…
Two beefy heroic-looking guys are led by a small, unassuming Asian woman through various pit traps, unexploded landmines, and other dangers in a sequence reminiscent of the opening of Raiders of the Lost Ark. One of the beefy guys is Harrison Ford look-alike Anthony Ingruber, the guy a lot of people wanted to play young Han Solo; at one point he reacts in fear to a snake and mercilessly kills it. The two guys speak to the woman solely in Vietnamese this whole time.
Finally, they arrive at their quest’s end deep in a lost temple. Instead of a grand treasure, however, there’s only the body of an Army photographer, crumpled in a corner. The two dudes begin complaining at the woman about the lack of treasure while she bends reverently over the body. She…
