The King is Dead

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

A Terrible Idea

Elminster knows what I'm talking about.
I sometimes get ideas stuck in my brain, ideas that demand I write about them even when it interrupts the flow of other work I should be doing. I should be writing The King is Dead and then a bunch of mecha/kaiju ideas pop into my brain, or I should be working on the Japan section for Steamscapes: Asia and all I can think about is wuxia instead. For the last couple of weeks, I’ve really, really wanted to write some kind of holiday post (some Rankin-Bass-inspired stats, or a Peter Pan-inspired adventure) but all I can think about is sex.

You see, I’ve got this really terrible idea.

I’ve decided to expand the scope of Wine and Savages to include D&D 5E. My intention, after all, wasn’t to use this blog as only a Savage Worlds fansite, but to use it as a platform to launch a professional writing career. It only makes sense that I try to learn to write for the most popular RPG out there.

That’s not the terrible idea.

As I’ve candidly admitted in the past, Dungeons & Dragons (specifically the AD&D Monster Manual) had a big, weird impact on my sexual development. I’ve got some hang-ups and fetishes that can be traced directly back to fantasy role-playing. I could easily write scores of posts about that stuff.

That’s the terrible idea.

The terrible, terrible idea is to start a second blog, a blog I would call The Blog of Erotic Fantasy or The Erotic Dungeon Master (if either name isn’t taken). I’d write it under a pseudonym (probably “The Erotic DM”) and use it to explore the seamy side of D&D. I’d do a multi-part dissection/review of The Book of Erotic Fantasy and update its contents for D&D 5E. I’d do a pastiche of the Volo’s Guides and delve into more detail about the festhalls of the Forgotten Realms. I’d highlight sexy fantasy art. I’d write terribly personal, soul-baring essays about my mixed-up youth. And I’d probably tackle some actual socio-political issues because I wouldn’t be able to help myself.

It would be a terrible mess.

It would be a terrible, terrible time sink. It would be controversial and polarizing (in no small part because of my sex-positive feminist views). It would probably get me in trouble with Wizards of the Coast (I’d have to declare it a parody site and have a big, ol’ link to the Hustler Magazine v. Falwell stuff). It would undoubtedly get exposed in the end and I’d wind up some marginalized weirdo.

(I have to keep reminding myself that it’s a terrible idea.)

Obviously, I’m not going to do it. For one thing, I wouldn’t be writing a post about a secret pseudonymous project if I was serious about committing to it. For another, I just don’t have the time. It’s tempting, though.

Terribly, terribly tempting…

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